City Beat

By GARY LONG/The Brownsville Herald

It was learned today that Bill Young of the City of Brownsville is under consideration for a Pulitzer Prize for his voluminous press releases from the City. He could not be found for comment. In further city news, Larry Brown.

Public Works received word today that there is actually a street in Brownsville that is not in need of immediate maintenance. When shown photos of the street, Director of Public Works Director, Santana Torres had this to say, “This is the first time I’ve seen this, of course we will send out a crew right away.” He took the opportunity to discuss his department’s needs during the coming year. “Something came up at the Sports Park, where we need to pave an unplanned extension to get to the dumpsters.” When asked what this would cost, he replied, “We are asking the commission to add another $4.2 million to the bond issue to cover the cost of the 20 foot extension.”

Are we ready for a new bridge? Plans are underway for a new bridge that connects the three existing bridges together at their centers. Denise Blanchard, Chief of Staff for Solomon Ortiz said, “Similar expenditures in Corpus Christi have proved successful.”

The City Engineering Department is looking for a new mascot. There is presently serious negotiation for the right to use the South Park character, Towlie and his signature line “I don’t know what is going on. Wanna get high? The public comment period runs through June 12th.

The Finance Department is running out of checks. “This could bring things to a standstill.”, remarked a clerk in that office. City Manager, Charlie Cabler has been aware of the growing problem. “We plan to fix this problem by having a study done by Ambiotec.” When asked how Ambiotec was chosen, Cabler replied, “Their name came up at a luncheon sponsored by Gilberto Hinojosa and Eddie Treviño.” The process is expected to take about two years.

Brownsville police arrested a man today for fondling a barely underage girl and giving her beer, bought on a stolen credit card. When questioned about his activities, he explained that he was simply “Paying his dues.”, as he has plans to soon run for public office.

Midday News

By Kevin Sieff/The Brownsville Herald

In a move that surprised the world of science, our own City Commissioner, Carlos Cisneros, has received a nomination for a Nobel Prize in Physics. He was recognized for his ground-breaking work in the area of “Localized Exception to the Pauli exclusion principle” in layman’s terms his work proves that under special circumstances, an object can be in two places at the same time. Video tape evidence of the event, along with written supporting documentation provided by County Commissioner John Wood were submitted to the Nobel Prize Committee by an anonymous source.

Negotiations continue today between Homeland Security and Dr. Juliette Garcia and her TSC board over border wall issues. Dr. Garcia, supported by a resolution co-authored by board chairman Chester Gonzalez and secretary Eduardo Campirano, is expected to offer a working compromise in which Homeland Security will be allowed to build a wall around Joe Lee Rubio.

At today’s City Commission meeting, Commissioner Anthony P. Troiani motioned for a resolution recognizing Ann Arbor Day and offered arguments for its immediate adoption. When The Mayor asked if there was any further discussion, Commissioner Troiani asked to be recognised and offered compelling arguments against the proposal. The item failed 4-3 with Troiani casting the deciding vote. “I feel good about it and stand by my decision to waste no more of the people’s time when we have important issues to discuss.”, said Troiani.

Later in the meeting, Commissioner Ricardo Longoria submitted for first reading, an ordinance titled “Establishing Specifications for Tacos” This landmark ordinance, if passed will secure the Commissioners place in history, among the company of great statesman like Patrick Henry, Henry Clay, and Abraham Lincoln. “It is what the people voted me here to do, and it was a long time coming”, said a teary eyed Longoria after the motion passed 5-1 with THE MAYOR abstaining.

In the final order of business, Commissioner Charlie Atkinson started a dialog about encouraging local fast-food restaurants to sell beer at the drive through window. “It would sure save a lot of time”, Atkinson said often during the discussion. No action was taken.

During the unusually smooth Commission meeting, THE MAYOR had a speaking mouth dog aid him during the meeting, as he was afflicted with laryngitis and could barely whisper. When asked if the condition were serious, Toby the dog “Arf!’ed” twice and waged his tail. Our thoughts and prayers are with THE MAYOR at this time.

Newsday Wrapup

José Borjón/ The Brownsville Herald
Brownsville,Texas - Today, James Dannenbaum resigned in shame as trustee for the University of Texas System when the proverbial camel collapsed.”It was just one chinga-chinga road project too many”, reported an engineer from his office. Replacing Dannenbaum on the UT System board will be Raul Besteiro, a very popular figure from Brownsville. “This posthumous recognition of Mr. B’s devotion to The University of Texas is long overdue. I believe that his popularity will really pull the system together. He will be a tremendous asset.”, the governor said at a press conference announcing his decision. At the same time Governor Perry unveiled a new policy of appointing dead people to boards over which he has authority whenever possible. “The dead are an overlooked asset to the people of the State and can do more to help their communities than simply voting once or twice a year.” Later, in explaining his position to a receptive Austin press corps, “Dead people are rarely involved in new scandals, so by appointing more dead people, we are working to clean up the image of government. I hope to be able to appoint Paul Burka very, very soon” When asked about their reaction, an aide that preferred not to be named said, “The Governor’s position is simply a logical extension of the popular practice of appointing or electing a surviving spouse, regardless of their qualifications.” The offices of Brownsville’s state representatives were contacted for their reaction to the Governor’s latest initiative. Paul Cowen from Sen. Eddie Lucio’s office had this response. “Of course the Senator backs anything that the Governor wants, or any other Republican, for that matter.” When asked about the effect this policy will have on the people of Brownsville, he responded, “With all the advantages, I’ll bet that sometimes the Senator wishes he were dead, too.” Tony Gray fielded the questions for State Representative Rene Oliveira, ”Rene has always been a man of the people, and this move by the Governor will be great for TXU” He (Gray) explained that Mr. Oliveira had “just sat down to lunch a couple of hours ago and would not be available for some time”.

In news related to Dannenbaum’s resignation, Louis Jones turned himself in to the D.A’s office, confessing to his part in the disappearance of the bond money at the Port of Brownsville. “I figured that I could cut a better deal this way. If they (the D.A’s office) did as much as look at the way my name was everywhere, all over this thing, I could have faced some serious trouble.” In a routine plea arrangement, Jones will be given 60 days to travel to foreign countries in an attempt to recover the funds.

There are big shakeups on the horizon at BISD. In what was thought to be a routine report from a high dollar consulting firm, the board learned in a presentation what the word “nepotism” really meant. A long time member of the board was heard saying,” I am shocked! All this time I thought it was some kind of unpleasant social disease, like herpes.” He went on to further say, “I thought all those questions about family were like the ones at the doctor’s office about diabetes and heart trouble. How is anybody going to work at BISD, now?” At the same meeting, the board heard testimony that BISD is a dropout factory. In response to this, the board voted unanimously to hire a team of production engineers and started a new magnet program. “With these new engineers, we should be able to double, or possibly triple production!” In response to the news that a new factory was coming to town, BEDC pledged millions of dollars to the project and an agreement that “long term utilities would be at a low, fixed rate and there would be no impact fees from PUB.” Payroll matching funds were part of the package for every new person hired to work at the factory. BEDC will acquire the property, an estimated 232 acres located next to the Sports Park that is under construction. When asked about the potential conflict with City plans to acquire that same property, Jason Hilts said, “It is a free country and competition is good for the economy. The property should go to whoever is willing to pay the most for it.”

Also, it was discovered today that Brownsville Herald Reporter Emma Perez-Treviño is resigning and moving back to Eagle Pass to pursue her life-long ambition of cooking for the Kickapoo Indian Tribe. We wish her well. Herald editor Rachel Benavidez let us know that a replacement writer had already been selected, and that writer is Dr. Jerry McHale-Sculley. “We want to promise our readers that we will maintain the same style and quality of unbiased reporting that has come to be expected from us. We at the Herald have every confidence that Jerry provides that quality.”

A developing story at PUB is the consultant’s report on impact fees that clearly shows that the amounts being charged are insufficient to justify the expense of collecting and recording these fees. The staff recommendation was that a new administrative office be created to oversee cutting expenses in this area by aggressively investigating and stopping the collection of any of these fees by any department at PUB. “We always strive to provide the best service at the lowest possible price to the citizens of Brownsville”, said John Brusiak, CEO of this latest cost saving measure. The department will also require a support staff of five or six, in order to handle the workload. Human resources recommended that affirmative action compliance clearly calls for more employment of women and presented a PowerPoint showing the optimal age for applicants for these positions to be women between the ages of 18 and 32. “It is our hope that this department will be a training ground for new talent that will transfer to other departments with the experience needed by the time they are 33.”

Some things you can't put a price on

Click for larger image

For everything else, there are the local blogs.

"Of course I know. It is my business to know." -The Merovingian

Bing! Bing! Bing! We have a Winner!

I wondered why it took so long. I posted that bald-faced lie to provoke a discussion on community cooperative efforts. The city actually is, at this point, collaborating with Harlingen for a event center, hopefully as I described. The basic problem that plagues efforts like that are that by the time the location is chosen, everyone knows where it will be and we pay far too much for the real-estate, it costs 3 times as much (cough! sports-park)and is usually undersized by the time it is finally finished. It is not important that what I wrote was not true. What is important is that it should have been true. If you bought it, hook, line, and sinker, don't be sad or angry. You were optimistic about our city. As I was writing it, I was hoping it was true, too. Congratulations, Ralph Cowen. How long did it take to run down my bit of malarky?

------------------------------------------------

M,

I read your piece on a “supposed” event center on Port of Brownsville property. The concept is very interesting and very creative. I really hate to report to the blog-world that your “events center proposal” at this time is just not under consideration by anybody but yourself. This concept for BND diversity has great possibilities and real merit. Unfortunately at this place in time, your “concept” has no budget or backing. You see it my business to know too. After reading your script and looking at the drawing, I must say that you do have real “talent”. I am very grateful you were not around for the Orson Well’s radio broadcast of “War of the Worlds” in the last century. I am sure the public’s panic and hysteria would still be with us.

While we are conjuring up BND projects, let us consider these other concept projects that have great merit and no current funding or consideration.

1. A first class cruise line and Navy Port of Call based in a new turning basin located five miles inland from the end of the jetties. Those five miles of channel and basin would be maintained at 60ft and have the ability to turn an aircraft carrier around. It is cheaper to maintain a five mile channel and basin at 60 ft of dept than 18 miles of channel at a 50ft dept.

2. This basin would be serviced by a passenger train run by BRGV Railroad that is currently owned and operated by the BND. Cruise line passengers could check their luggage at the Brownsville airport and ride hassle free before boarding the cruise ship. No other port in the world offers this service today.

3. This same train would serve as a commuter train in the early morning and late afternoon for workers at the port to Park and Ride to and from parking lots located by the Brownsville Airport. Thus taming HWY 48 during shift change.

4. A power plant running on natural gas wells located on land owned by the BND to serve us all with cheap electric power.


5. If the proposed desalt plant isn’t in the cards, we will build an affordable one, coupled with the affordable power to make the Port of Brownsville a competitive and diverse world class business site.

6. We should all work toward making the Port self supporting, and wean off tax support


It all starts with an idea; RFK quoted “Some people see things as they are and say WHY? I see things and say why not?” He may have borrowed this idea from “Voltaire”.

We must dream or our dreams can’t come true. One day at a time, one dream at a time we can and will change the world. Sometimes I dream with my head in the clouds, but I keep my feet on the ground.

Step one; Start and do our due diligence as we go.

Ralph Cowen

Geek Speak for the Week

A little while ago, I needed to put the spanish letter "ñ" in a word on a post and it occured to me that maybe the collection of über-geeks at Microsoft headquarters might not have considered that in South Texas we type in two languages at the same time,sometimes in the same sentence.

The little, nasty thing I use is a built-in Windows aapplet called Character Map. It is pretty handy, especially if finding special characters within applications like Word, or Excell drives you nuts. Since blogging comment boxes are devoid of nice, little things like that, you must do them externally, then paste them into the word or sentence.

To make the Character Map applet come up on a machine running anything Windows '95 or newer, do the following: Click Start, then click Run. In the little dialog box, type charmap ,then click Ok. For the ñ, look at the second line from the bottom, the fifth character from the right hand side. Click it, then click select, then click copy. The ñ is now on the clipboard, ready to be pasted into words like niño, piñata, etc.

For most windows releases, right click, then select paste.

Now, a whole new world of interesting things to do in posts is at your fingertips.
You can offer your 2¢, ask "¿Qué dijo?", even § like an attorney.

HTH

"Of course I'm geek. It is my business to geek." -The Merovingian

People ask why I am anal about signs....

Photoed TODAY by ME from elections LONG SINCE DECIDED !!!!
Brownsville was like this all over the place when I was a kid, and it seems to be sneaking back. Not everything in the past was the "good old days" and endless re-campaigning for pubic notice and name recognition is something I was glad to see outlawed.

"Of course I know. It is my business to know." -The Merovingian

Eddy Hernandez back in the saddle at PUB?

"When one little panda sticks his furry little willie in another panda's ear, that's sexual harassment, and that makes me a sad panda." - Sexual Harassment Panda


What is it about PUB that a story is never over? I mean, come on people! In the rest of the real world, stories have an end, and this one did, too. This is like watching "JAWS XXII" or some such. Who was pulling whose strings? Who had the naked photos of someone wearing the wrong gender undergarments? Who cut the deal? Why was the deal cut? Are the lawyers driving ALL of the buses? What the hell is going on and why is it even going on in the first place? PUB seems to be a place worthy of note by Oral Roberts University, where the dead rise on a regular basis.

Is it time for a new local political party?

It has been customary in our city, school board, port, and other elections to avoid party labels. Is this done to make it seem that the usual suspects are not pulling the strings? Is there something more grass roots and pure implied in this? On the odd occasion when a candidate for one of these positions professes a party affiliation with regards to the position, it is looked upon as strange. It seems to me that we already have a few ad-hoc local parties running things. The one thing they all have in common is moving in stealth mode and it seems to be the public's job to figure out who belongs to what party AFTER the elections. There is also the problem of determining these ad-hoc parties agendas, which also can only be determined after the fact. This does not give the public a measuring stick to determine how effective these people are. The interplay and struggle between all these entites and players wastes so much time and so many resources that to me, cat herding would be a more orderly process.

Many great people (we actually do have some) do not seek local office because building a support base for their ideas and goals is time consuming and expensive.

We end up with a local system of compadrismo held together loosely by silly putty that fights other cliques for power with absolutely no vision for the future beyond the next election cycle. We elect crabs: scavengers with hard shells, to throw into the bucket of other crabs, then wonder why there is no cooperation toward long term goals.

There are valid arguments against a local party. It is not a perfect solution, as there are no such things when people and politics are involved. In the future, such an arangement would probably degrade into the corrupt sameness of the status-quo, but such is the nature of such things. It would need to be torn down and rebuilt, as the system we have does today. Does the inevitable failure mean that it shouldn't be done at all? No. The Roman, Greek, Persian, Chinese, etc. systems all eventually failed, but they had their glory years. Do we and our children not deserve the same?

"Of course I know. It is my business to know."-The Merovingian

Wow....

The Metropolitan Entertainment Center as it has been named will have three times the seating capacity of the Dodge Arena in Hidalgo, but use the same amount of utilities. The location is directly across from the proposed Desalination Plant on State Highway 48. The site abuts property owned by the Ytturia family, but is located entirely on Port of Brownsville property. Design architecture will be provided by the Benham Companies, LLC , who designed the Ford Center in Oklahoma City. Engineering has yet to be decided, but curiously Dannenbaum Engineering has not been excluded from the process at this time.
Sources say that this decision will financially diversify operations at the Port of Brownsville and provide a much needed outside revenue stream. Brownsville, Harlingen, Port Isabel and South Padre Island will also benefit from the ease of access and the lack of traffic and planning disruption the location provides. The site was chosen over other locations due in part to the Port of Brownsville offering very favorable lease terms as opposed to spending millions for acquisition of the property and for infrastructure improvements. The recent upgrade to Highway 48 was also a major factor, as this location will not suffer the traffic congestion that plagues the Dodge Arena. The tourism boards and Chambers of Commerce for the affected cities were not consulted before this decision was finalized in executive session after months of negotiating between the entities involved, however, they are expected to fully support the project The estimated time of completion is three years.
The City of Brownsville’s Public Information Office is unwilling to confirm this at this time.

The mulling is over

"They don't have the authority ... They can not screw around with my civil rights."-Joe Lee Rubio on not being allowed to run in TSC trustee race
March 11, 2008 - 11:49PM
By GARY LONG/The Brownsville Herald


Well folks, the waiting is over and in the morning a motion for injunction, and a temporary restraining order will be filed. It looks like it is going to take more than an "informal opinion" to keep Mr. Rubio off the ballot. Named in the order are Eduardo Campirano and the Board of Trustees of TSC.

I am not an attorney, but I figure I can read as well as the next guy, and what I read isn't going to give a judge any trouble in granting the requested relief.

"Of course I know. It is my business to know" The Merovingian

The Treacherous Waters of Cameron County

Soon after the flag ship of the Democratic Party of Cameron County, the Political Bounty had piped aboard it's new master, Captain Bleah, orders were issued to make ready for battle. The upcoming war to recover lands perceived as being stolen from them for the last eight years was neigh at hand. The Republic was going to pay for that outrage.

This upcoming final engagement was months away, but all ships needed to sail with haste to the battle. The Political Bounty was charged with leading the fastest, most powerful warships through the treacherous waters of Cameron County. At the helm of the Hillary, the captain ordered that a large supply of Latino provisions were needed for the upcoming battles. The Obama's captain was also aware of the need for laying in a large supply of Latinos. Captain Bleah pulled along side the Hillary and offloaded as many Latinos has he could, as the Obama made way for the nearby Caucus Islands, where her Captain had demonstrated many times that his crew was very effective in gathering provisions. The Political Bounty slowly turned toward the Caucus Islands, with the Hillary and the Obama arriving ahead of it. An earlier attempt to hoist "The Jolly Rodger" had been thwarted by the captain of the Shergold. The crew of the Hillary had decided on a "snatch and grab" strategy at the Caucus Islands, as they had quite a few Latinos already safely tucked away in the hold and if they hung around, the Obama's crew may have swayed many of the Latinos that they felt were rightfully theirs. The crew of the Obama, when they had put ashore had expected the Political Bounty to have arrived ahead of the other two warships to light the way and gather the Latinos in marked locations so that provisions could be gathered in large numbers. But the Political Bounty had arrived late, and many of the torch bearers from the Political Bounty seemed confused if not downright retarded, and some of the mapped locations of Latino's were unlit and dark when the crew of the Obama arrived. The captain of the Political Bounty put his blindfolded first mate ashore aboard the dingy Hockema to declare that everything was fine and the process was flawless and smooth. The Obama's crew gathered what they could and made for their ship.

As the warships sailed from the waters of Cameron County, the captain of the Hillary signaled Captain Bleah, "If we are victorious, I won't forget what you did for me and my crew." With a smile, Captain Bleah tucked the note in his coat pocket for later retrieval. He was disturbed at the news of the total annihilation of the crusier Remi, but at least the Sophia had made it through. There were, of course, a few details left to take care of. The hostage Yates was no longer looking like an asset, and ransom would not be paid. He would soon be a liability. Best cut him loose. A few of the crew of the Political Bounty looked suspicously independent during the last engagement and would need to be punished.

"Of course I know. It is my business to know." -The Merovingian

Observation on Two Races

The races were unrelated, but one issue was common to both: Amit Livingston. Of course I am talking about the D.A's and 404th races. I know that Villalobos was the intended target of Zavaletta's blasting away on the subject, but he was in a very difficult position of trying to aim that shotgun squarely at his opponents chest without collateral damage to Abel Limas, who was the early on favorite to win his race. It would have made his life difficult had Limas won if Zavaletta had painted both Limas and Villalobos with the same brush. A little side-stepping by Villalobos in addition to Limas trying to back away from that issue caught Limas in the crossfire between Zavaletta's shooting at Villalobos and Elia's direct attacks. So, did Peter Zavaletta put Elia Cornejo Lopez back into office? Woulda,coulda,shoulda is not my purpose. This is simply an observation.

"Of course I know. It is my business to know." -The Merovingian

View from the Couch

The poll I had up didn't generate statistically significant numbers on crossover voting, but nonetheless does play a huge factor in Valley elections. All politics is local as Tip O'Neil said. I would love to see some exit polling data from the valley on the question of why people voted in X party's primary.

Valley Democrats are a strange breed. Most of the planks in the National Party Platform personally shock,horrify, and disgust them, but they still identify themselves as Democrats. From my vantage point, they are not Democrats at all, but it is the party that gives them the most leeway and support for what they really are: 1890's era Populists. I am not saying this is a bad thing, and many of the issues from that era are still/again issues today.

If Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid moved to the Valley and ran on their platforms in local elections, they would get trounced for being so weird and out of step with the community (not to mention reality). Because of the party affiliation of Democrat, the Valley voice counts in their stable of support.

I have no solution to this dichotomy, I only offer the observation.

"Of course I know. It is my business to know."-The Merovingian

Part one of the Silly Season draws to a close

As we all hold local politics near and dear to our hearts, it will soon be time for some to gloat and some to lick wounds. Some of the gloating will cause some new wounds in others, and some of the wound-licking will take the form of looking for payback. NOTE TO FELLOW BLOGGERS: Hatchet burying should be the order of the day.
I am not trying to make myself the blog police, simply a suggestion to cut down on the future purchase of Rolaids.

Me? However things turn out, I will be demanding that the victors do the job they fought so hard to get. If someone wins an elected position they had better be prepared to to a better job than their opponent, or should it be a reelected incumbent, do a better job than last term. If they think this was a coronation, are they going to get a rude awakening from the public, and more than a few catty comments from me.

"Of course I know. It is my business to know."-The Merovingian